Caine Soren's Really Random, Very Weird but Totally Epic House Party
by RedHornedUnicowz
Summary: After somehow rising from the dead after the FAYZ, Caine decides he wants redemption for all the evil things he did. To make amends, he invites everyone who he had mistreated - even those that died! - over to his house for an epic party! But what starts off as a nice party turns completely insane. Well, that's what you get for doing this stupid idea, Caine! A random fic.
1. A Party and Quadratic Equations

**I woke up one morning with a really random idea and just had to write about it. Hope ya enjoy! :)**

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**5:58 – Living Room**

Caine Soren was sitting on a leather couch swaying back and forth while watching the clock. It was almost 6 o'clock, the time when guests would start arriving. He was quite nervous, not knowing whether anyone would even come. All he wanted was redemption for everything evil he had done in the FAYZ and wanted to apologise to everyone he had ever hurt.

The thing was, this morning, Caine had somehow resurrected almost a year _after_ the FAYZ. Confused face, yaddy yaddy ya. Many questions, blah-dy blah blah. Running from the cops, cliché stuff. Taking over the world, dream big Caine.

After doing all those things, Caine stumbled into a random house that was luckily empty. After exploring for a bit, he realised how HUGE the house was. There were three floors in total, a massive basement and even a pool! Every single room was complete with very expensive furniture. Furthermore, Caine found some cash – around $1000 - on one of the kitchen benches and a sticky note which said: _Kevin, before you leave to grandma's, make sure you…_

Caine wasn't bothered to read the rest of the sentence. From what he had just read, apparently some Kevin guy just left the house and left $1000 on the kitchen bench! Immediately, a lightbulb formed in his brain…

'I feel so bad about all those things I did in the FAYZ. Maybe I should have... A PARTY AT MY PLACE!'

So that's why Caine was now sitting on the couch looking nervous. He had used the $1000 to buy a bunch of food, music and whatnots to prepare for the awesome party he was having. He chewed on his thumbnail vigorously as he watched the clock. It now read 6:00! Caine chewed on his thumbnail even more as he watched the door. But no one had rung the doorbell yet. Caine tried to bite his thumbnail even more before he realised that he had already chewed all of it. Fortunately, it regrew back just then.

_Ding dong!_ The door bell rang!

'OOGA BOOGA! THEY'RE HERE!' Caine jumped up with glee before answering the door. As he opened it, Caine beamed from ear to ear happy that his guests had arrived. There was a crowd of so many recognisable people on the porch waiting to be let in. In unison, they all looked at Caine with shocked expressions and voiced their thoughts.

'Dude, so this wasn't a prank! You _are _alive!' this was from Sam who happened to be at the front of the crowd. 'How?'

Caine smiled and shook his head. 'I have no idea, brother.'

'Okay look. Why do you ALWAYS say brother whenever you meet Sam? We're not in the Victorian Era for goodness sake. And he HAS a name. Why don't you use it instead of saying 'Brother' all the time and sounding like an old man!'

'I'm sorry, she's on her period.' Sam defended.

Caine, with the same genuine smile he had, looked at the speaker. 'It's so good to see you, Astrid! I hope you'll forgive me for the things I did to you in the FAYZ.'

'Only if you have chuppa chips in there…' Astrid shyly muttered.

'As a matter of fact, I do.' Caine said. 'Come on in and help yourself!' Caine stepped back and allowed the large crowd to come through. As they came through the doorway one by one, everyone looked at Caine in either glee or confusion at his presence.

He saw Edilio, Quinn, Roger, Albert, Lana, Sanjit and his siblings, Dekka, Brianna, Drake, Mary, Dahra, Orc, Howard, Zil, Lance, Duck, Roscoe, E.Z., Justin, Thomas, Minho, Newt, Harry, Ron, Hermione -

'_Wait,' _Caine thought. '_HOW DO I EVEN KNOW HALF THESE PEOPLE? I swear I only gave out invitations to the people from the FAYZ.'_

'WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING HERE?' he screamed at the last 6 people.

'Um… we're uh…' they stuttered before giving in. 'WE JUST NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM! WE'RE DESPERATE!'

Caine sighed. 'Upstairs, first one on your right. AND THEN YOU LEAVE! Oh and boys, make sure you leave the toilet seat down.'

These random people simply nodded and quickly made their way to the destination. As for E.Z., Justin and Roscoe, Caine marched up to them. 'WHY ARE YOU GUYS HERE? I DIDN'T EVEN INVITE YOU.'

E.Z. spoke up. 'It _is_ a FAYZ party so…'

'I only invited the people I did any harm to! I don't even know you three!'

'Yeah about that,' spoke up Roscoe. 'Everyone who got an invitation kinda told everyone who was in the FAYZ and had a Facebook account about the party and so we just came. Oh and look, here's some more people!'

Caine turned around to look at the doorway while the three who had been interrogated scurried away. Turns out they were right - there was a huge crowd outside the door bustling into the house. Caine didn't even know half these people by name. He facepalmed in annoyance and sighed.

'_Remember Caine, this is a redemption party. You're not going back to your old evil self again. Be nice.' _

To the new batch of people streaming in he said, 'Well, you might as well have fun here.'

Eventually at 6:10pm, the last of the kids streamed in. But Caine still felt as if someone wasn't here… Nope, nevermind, there she was at the door.

Caine gasped at the sight of her. 'Diana…'

Diana looked for the source of the voice and was startled at the person. She tried to move but was rooted to her spot in shock. Instead Caine moved toward her.

'Diana!' he exclaimed. 'Could you _please_ wipe your shoes outside before coming in? Look at the mess you made on the floor! I just cleaned the house today and look what you do, you come bounding in with those dirty shoes of yours.'

But Diana was too shocked to listen. 'Caine you're alive! I thought it was too good to be true but it's not!' She immediately embraced him and Caine returned the action.

'Okay, enough of the mushy stuff. This is supposed to be a fun fic.' Caine said gently.

'Okay. But Caine I have a really important question...' Diana said.

'Yes?'

'What's a fic?'

'I have no idea.'

Diana nodded. 'That's okay. Wanna make out?'

Caine looked at her with a questionable look. 'I love you and all but really? With that dress?'

'I know right? It's actually Astrid's but she kept insisting that I wear this fugly dress. And I was like: pfft no way. But she was like: gurl you gotta wear something nice. And I was like: nuh-uh! And she was like: Yah-huh! But I was like: Nuh-uh sista!' Noticing the strange look on Caine's face she stopped. 'Baby, are you okay?'

'Oh, I was just wondering why you were so written out of character.'

'…'

**6:35pm - Basement**

'Hey guys! Why don't we play truth or dare?' Caine suggested. Everyone in the basement – which happened to be Caine, Diana, Drake, Sam, Astrid, Little Pete, Zil, Harry and Hunter – agreed and sat down in a circle. Well, all except Little Pete who went '0_0'. But everyone assumed it was a yes anyway.

'We'll spin this empty soda bottle to decide who we ask,' Caine said as he placed it in the middle of the group promptly before spinning it. The bottle span 3 times before landing on Sam.

'Sam, truth or dare?'

'Uh…' he stuttered before choosing truth.

'Have you ever cheated on Astrid?'

Surprisingly, Sam's eyes slowly widened as he hesitated to answer. Astrid saw the look on his face and raised her brows.

'Um… no.'

'He hesitated! He's lying!' Zil called out.

'Shut up, Zil,' said Sam.

'Sam, you need to tell the _truth_.' Replied Caine.

Astrid looked alarmed. 'Sam? Have you actually cheated on me?'

'I said no!'

Astrid stood up in anger knowing that he was lying, and made her way towards him who was on the other side of the circle. Sam gulped in fear as she loomed over him, expecting the worst. She mustered up her angriest face and took in a large breath.

'In math, we define a quadratic equation as an equation of degree 2, meaning that the highest exponent of this function is 2. The standard form of a quadratic is _y_ = _ax_^2 + _bx_ \+ _c_, where _a_, _b_, and _c_ are numbers and _a_ cannot be 0.' Astrid recited quickly.

'EEEEEEEEEP! MY EARS!' Sam moaned as he clutched his ears. To no avail, she kept going louder.

'An interesting thing about quadratic equations is that they can have up to two real solutions. Solutions are where the quadratic equals 0. Real solutions mean that these solutions are not imaginary and are real-'

'OKAY! OKAY! OKAY!' Sam wailed. 'I did cheat on you Astrid!'

'EXCUSE ME? With who?!' she demanded. Unfortunately, Sam hesitated provoking her to start reciting again.

'A quadratic will always have two solutions, but some may be imaginary solutions. If we have two real solutions, then we have-'

'Okay! Okay! I cheated on you with a Mars Bar!' Sam sobbed. Astrid stopped midstence and looked at Sam with intense anger.

'WHEN?'

'Remember that night, when the power was still on, you wanted to watch some chick flick film together?'

'You mean _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic?_' Astrid asked even more enraged that Sam considered her most favourite film to be a chick flick.

'Yes… well, you know how I said I was doing something else that night? Well, I was actually in town hall snacking on the Mars Bar.' Sam sobbed in guilt. 'It was just so tasty and chewy and caramel-y, I couldn't resist!'

'THAT WAS MY MARS BAR!' Astrid yelled. 'It was in _my_ secret food stash! No wonder it disappeared overnight!'

In her fury, she lunged at Sam with clenched fists. Sam, however, was faster and managed to dodge her in the nick of time. He then bolted up the stairs with Astrid hot on his tail.

() ()

Little Pete excitedly went (^x^) and literally hopped after his sister.

'Well, I guess they're not playing.' Diana noted as those remaining closed in the circle.

'Uh, Harry you go next since you were closest to Sam.' Caine said.

The young boy merely shrugged before spinning the bottle. It landed on Hunter.

'Hunter, truth or dare?'

'Let's go with dare!' He excitedly said.

Harry smiled devilishly before answering. 'I dare you to get Drake to punch you in the face. _Hard._'

Hunter's face immediately fell. 'Oh come on, dude! I already said I was sorry for accidentally killing you, man!'

'Yeah, but killing people is still mean.' Harry stuck his bottom lip out. 'And if my mum was there, I would have so told on you.'

'You can't tell on someone if you're DEAD!' Diana exclaimed. 'Idiot...'

Hunter sighed, 'Let's just get this over with. It's not like I have a choice anyway.'

Drake smiled his shark grin. 'This is going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt me.'

He swung his arm back and punched Hunter's awaiting face. 'Owwww…' Hunter moaned while rubbing his face. All he got from the impact was a minor blood nose.

'Rude.' he said to Harry and Drake after recovering. He quickly spun the bottle. Surprise, surprise, it landed on Harry.

'Truth or Dare?'

'Dare,' Harry simply said.

'I dare Drake to kick you where the sun don't shine. _Hard.' _

'I choose chicken,'

'You can't chicken. That's not part of the game.' Hunter countered.

'Actually, it is.' Caine justified.

'WHAT? SO I COULD'VE CHOSEN CHICKEN? AA;;RIGHAWEI[OTPWWG! A;SDLKG;ROIH;ORWGHAR!'

'Speak eeenngggllliiiisssshhh' Diana slowly pronounced the last word.

'What're the chicken rules, Caine?' Harry asked innocently.

'You just have to lick the person on your right. So for you that'd be Zil.'

'ARE YOU KIDDING ME?' Hunter screamed while Harry quickly did his chicken.

'Dude you taste like fat and oil.' Harry said to Zil.

'I'm _soooooorry_ my great great great great great great grandfather was genetically modified to be a French fry. Do you have a thing against fast food people? HUH, DO YA?!' Zil exclaimed, very offended by this remark. But before Harry could answer he muttered, 'Foodist...'

'I guess that explains your pimples…' Harry instead said as he turned away.

'I HATE THIS GAME.' Hunter complained as Harry spun the bottle again. It landed on…

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Hunter

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EH? That's not right. Stupid computer glitch. It actually landed on Drake.

'Okay Drake, truth or dare?' Harry asked slightly intimidated by him.

'I'm not going to let you punch myself in the face so I'll go with a truth, thanks.'

Harry thought for a moment. He didn't want to ask anything extreme that would cause Drake to get mad at him and even do something physically painful.

'Drake, are you secretly a narcissist?'

'THAT'S HIS QUESITON? AND I HAD TO GET PUNCHED?' Screamed Hunter.

'Dude, Drake chose truth. Argo, he has to answer a question, whereas you chose dare. Argo, you have to do something extreme.' Zil monotonously said, annoyed at Hunter's behavior.

'BUT IT'S NOT FAAAAAIIIIIIIRRRRRR!' hollered Hunter. He turned to Harry, lifted his hands and activated his powers before anyone had a chance to say _Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. _Meh, it's not like half of them knew that word anyway.

Hunter's fingers transferred an invisible wave of powerful heat that found its target in Harry's head. 'OH COME ON!' Harry yelped before he twitched at the pain, and his eyes rolled to the back of his head marking his death.

'HAHAHAHA!' rejoiced Drake. 'DID YOU SEE THAT? THAT WAS HILARIOUS! HIS EYES ROLLED BACK INTO HIS HEAD! I MEAN, I CAN'T EVEN ROLL HALF MY EYEBALL! BUT THIS GUY JUST DID IT LIKE A PRO! AND THEN HE WENT ALL 'OH NO! I AM ABOUT TO DIE!' AND JUST FACEPLANTED! HAHAHAHAHA! I WONDER WHAT HE LOOKS IF HE OPENED HIS EYES! I MEAN, WOULD THE WHITES JUST BE THERE OR WOULD THEY HAVE ROLLED BACK DOWN?'

The group – which now consisted of Caine, Diana, Drake, Zil, Hunter and a dead Harry – looked at Drake quite disturbed. Caine however, wasn't very impressed. Mainly because of what Hunter just did.

'Hunter!' Caine confronted quite angrily. 'That's the _third_ time tonight you killed Harry! Not cool… We can't just have you killing people at my redemption party! Only Drake is allowed to do that as long as he makes up for it!'

Hunter hung his head down in shame. 'I'm sorry.' He muttered.

'What was that? I didn't hear you.' Caine mocked.

'I. Said. I'm. Sorry.'

'What's. With. The. Full. Stops.?' Caine replied.

'I. Do. Not. Know.'

'Com. Pu. Te. R. Gli. t. ch?'

Hunter nodded. 'Com. Pu. Te. R. Gli. t. ch.'

'I'm bored.' Zil announced. 'Later.' Nobody realised he had accidentally stepped on a French fry as he got up.

'Do you know what I want to do?' Drake creepily smiled.

'Wut?' Diana asked.

'COMEBACK BATTLE!' Drake screamed as he got up on his feet and started pounding his chest.

'OH IT'S ON!' Diana yelled.

'But yer gonna have to start in the next chapter!' Caine sang.

'WHY?' they both exclaimed.

'Because this…' Caine mysteriously said.

**6:55pm - Fridge**

Somehow trapped in the fridge, Little Pete went ⊂(◉‿◉)つ

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**...**

**Looking back I'm honestly thinking: WHAT DID I JUST WRITE?**

**Blame Miranda Sings videos... And my pretty weird mind. Review?**

WAAAAAIIIIIIIT!

**WHAT IS IT NOW CAINE?**

I NEED MORE PARTY IDEAS! JUST ANYTHING TO STALL ME FROM MAKING OUT WITH DIANA.

**...**

**You heard the guy. Lemme know if you have any ideas cuz I- or rather _we_ are gonna need a lot :)**


	2. Gnomes, Twilight and Comebacks

**7:01pm - Kitchen**

Brianna opened the fridge to get some carrots. She screamed.

**7:02pm - Basement**

Meanwhile at the comeback battle...

"And on this corner-ner-ner-ner..." Caine echoed. "We have my beautiful, loyal girlfriend Diana-ah-ah-ah."

Diana smirked at him. Caine went over the other corner and immediately dropped his enthusiasm. "...and here we have psychotic Drake. Let the battle begin."

Drake cracked his knuckles as Diana took a step forwards, "That is such a cute sweater. I have one just like it. For my ugly schnauzer. From Baby's R Us."

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA OOH OOH OOH HAHAHAHAH!" Turk and Antoine, who suddenly showed up, laughed hysterically. Caine just rolled his eyes annoyed at their weirdness.

Drake didn't seem fazed at all and took a step of his own towards the witch. "Ohhhh... now I get why you have the obvious beard. You're the ugly schnauzer!"

"Ooh..." Turk and Antoine um... Oohed.

Diana closed the metre between her and Drake and put a finger to his chest. "No...Yo mama is."

"HAHAHAHAHA WRECKED" the boys laughed.

**7:09pm - Front Yard**

"Row! Row! Row!" Quinn commanded. "Come on guys, you can do it. ROW! ROW!"

Roger came by. "Uh Quinn?"

"Not right now."he responded. "ROW!"

Roger interrupted him. "Why are you talking to a garden gnome?!"

"Um.."

The awkward silence suddenly got interrupted from a text Quinn received from Lana.

_*Meet me by the guest room in 5 :3*_

QUINN's eyes widened in excitement before ditching Roger and running off to the guest room. In the process he dropped his phone. Roger looked around his surroundings carefully before picking up the phone and sliding it in his pocket.

**7:15pm Basement**

The comebacks had quickly escalated.

"Your step dad is." Drake snapped.

"Heeheehee" Turk and Antoine synced.

"Your dog is," Diana said.

Drake growled before touching foreheads with Diana. "Well... you know what?! I'm not going to give you a candy cane in your Christmas card."

"OHHHH" The two younger boys hollered.

"I'm not going to even give you a Christmas card, period," Diana commented before going on. "Oh and FYI your breath really stinks Drake."

**7:39pm Toilet**

"Come on man, I'm busting here. You've hogged this bathroom for 40 mins. Isn't that long enough?!" Howard desperately said as he pounded on the door. "C'mon, I had three bottles of beer. Hurry up!"

Little Pete silently went |3|

"Ah forget it. Maybe Turk and Penny have stopped sucking face in the other toilet. Or else I'll have to go in the pool."

Pete went •~• as he heard that.

**7:41pm Living Room**

Penny was actually in the living room sitting on the couch with Lisa, Zil's 'girlfriend'. Taylor suddenly bounced in and sat next to Lisa.

"Hey evil Asian counterpart of me," Taylor mocked at Penny before nodding at Lisa.

"Finally, you took forever!" Lisa said.

Taylor shrugged in response.

"Ok now that we're all here, I'd like to formally start the 'boyfriend-challenged' meeting." Penny said.

"Hey we are not boyfriend challenged!" Taylor argued.

"Um... Yes we are. I can't get Caine to love me, Zil hates Lisa and finds her unattractive and boring, and you can't woo Sam over unless he's drunk."

"Zil thinks I'm... UGLY?" Lisa suddenly blurted.

"Duh." Penny snarled enjoying Lisa's humiliation.

"I thought... He just... Why can't... I can't believe I'm ugly!" Lisa cried.

"Well this is awkward," said Taylor. "There, there."

Penny laughed but knowing she had the same problem and couldn't get Caine to notice her, she tried to control it. However she couldn't help but mock Lisa.

"Oh it's okay Lisa. Maybe this story will cheer you up," Said Penny. "Once upon a time there was an ugly man. He was so ugly that everybody died. The end."

Lisa started crying even more.

"Okay, that was just rude." Said Taylor.

Penny could only laugh harder and harder. Taylor looked at her coldly before grabbing a nearby stapler and handing it over to the sobbing Lisa. She then bounced away to who knew where. Through her tears, Lisa looked at the stapler. Then at Penny. Then at the stapler. She stopped her crying and slowly got the hint.

"Taylor, you forgot to bring the aluminium foil you imbecile!" Lisa yelled.

**7:54pm A closet with a TV for some reason**

After an hour of chasing him, Astrid thought she saw Sam bolt into some closet so she followed him there. Unfortunately, she was mistaken. Astrid kneeled down in fatigue and sat on the floor before noticing something behind a coat. She picked it up and realised what it was. It was a DVD case! She inserted the disc into the TV that was in the closet for some reason. It came to life and soon, a certain vampire and werewolf were on the screen.

"OMG go team Edward! But ew, Jacob's hair" Astrid ranted. "I am so glad no one is seeing me watch this."

**7:58pm Outside the closet with the random TV.**

0_0 went LP as he hung upside down on the roof eating vegemite with celery.

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**ReeeeeeeViewwwww**


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